Steffie's World

yoz yoz...

Had a long chat wid my director in e morning... m suppose to go to back to him on monday wid my answer. abit vexed... even aft countless of discussions wid my boss. i prob wont forget dat look of surprise on the other senior mktin mger's face.

Great ktv session last nite.. everyone was juz so funny. Everyone had fun. Then had my long craving of soya beancurb - yum yum. And today despite e super humid weather, we had yum yum ice-cream. So pampered. Tis prob ends once aug comes.

Its Sat! So thkful dat its wkend. Tis wk was alright, juz the entire super low morale hangin heavily in the air...and the sudden greetings  of "when u tender?"; "when's ur last day?" instead of "hw are u hanging on?"

My director said i frown alot, alot and alot. I retorted its a habit. As usual kena shot dwn. lolz.

Anyway.. hav a great wkend ya~

feel..... good actually.

Ytd and today abit under the weather. I hope it wont full blown over e wkend. Sore throat.. feverish.

Aft e new structure being announced, my mood hasnt really picked up. Esp i started to link e possible change due to my work capability. Though my boss insisted it was not cuz of my work performance, i juz cldnt nail dwn one real reason for e change. Or rather.. i cldnt accept their reason.

In e evening, i saw my regional counterpart who juz went back to his country, online. We dun usually talk much, but i think he's like my Indian chief - very capable man. So i said hi.. and our conversation just flowed. He asked hw was i... and asked if i wan to talk abt it.

So sweet hor. So i guessed he knew abt it la. Not to go into details.. bt at least i know dat its an initiative fm those God's up there. Since he's my regional senior mktin mger of my latest portfolio, i took e opportunity to ask him abt wat he thinks of my work so far. He understood where i coming fm, immediately clarified dat its nt abt my work performance. In fact, he thot that i was great in my work and i hav met his expectation though it was such short stint working together.

wahz.. I MET HIS EXPECTATION leh!!!! I thot he always think i very lousy. i was.. very pleased to hear dat. He has no reason to lie to mi la, cuz hes very result driven lolz. He was quite apologetic dat he was so busy dat he has no time to groom mi. haiz. SEE - i cld go far one leh. muhahaha. Haiz. I think Feng-yun lookalike also quite pleased wid mi. It pleases mi when ppl think gd of my working capability, cuz it means mi aint flower vase. Cuz a few of my colleagues feel dat i move too fast too furious. Bt its a hell tough work k.

Watever the case.... for once, i felt happy.. at peace wid myself. Cuz these senior mktin managers hav a hell lot of expectations.. and it pleased mi to know dat i'm on the mark. i guess, tat to me - was enuff.

Reality of Pain

I was making my way to the canteen alone... then i turned and returned to office - no appetite. The lights were off... still I started to clear my station.

so many papers...
i saw the papers of data i drilled within e system to chk e sales data of my shavers islandwide, key stores.. for 2006.. then 2007.  i rem those nights in my ex-office using the unfamiliar system, drilling the data till i broke dwn and cried.

i saw the file marked "discussion wid Asean". Within e folder, its abt pricing, pdts info, sale by models. i rem those days i argued wid my Indian chief till i puked blood.

i saw my product launches info... my pride and joy hero shaver, and my last cool robotic shaver launch. i rem hw busy i was wid my first launch. The sense of relieve when its over. I rem i was very pleased cuz for e first time i din rely much on my immediate superior. And he praised e gd job done.

i saw my mkting calender plan.. which i had done a million times and had to review again and again and again. I rem hw my boss was drafting hw i sld go abt doing. I rem hw he ran through, sketch out, briefed mi.. and then when i was on my own, i learnt, progress and nw being independent.

i saw those competitors brochures which my promoters collect for mi.. analysing wid the boys on the promotion and hw we cld counter competitor moves. i rem those endless wkend store visits and the hatral whenever i saw hw nicely decorated my competitors roadshw was...
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it hurts to know i wld nt b doing all these and i hav to give them up. My portfolio - my pride and joy. I blinked back my tears, while i tored/shredded off the papers. Yes, though i hav thot it through.. bt when the reality sets in, the pain feels unusually real.

Wassup?

Got a call fm an old fren... always pleased to hear fm old frens dat they are a batch of faithful reader of my blog.

Yes, most of the time i complained abt my work.. the long hrs, the meetin, the late night sleep etc etc. But dat doesnt mean i hav no time for frens ya. Just text mi, i'll always make time. Juz advance booking lor. ^^ U wld b doing mi a favor, cuz meeting frens = decent lunch/dinners.

U prob noe mi well enuff dat i whine alot.. i complain alot.. bt my love and passion for my job is evident. Otherwise i prob cannot b bothered spending so much time on it. Recent incidents made things slightly different... disappointment & passion sizzled out.. Once again, i felt i hav to give up something i truly love. I hate dat, but... sometimz we juz hav to do wat we hav to do ya.

Leaving means leaving behind wat you have built; leaving behind e batch of wonderful colleagues whom u adored & loved. There will be ppl whom prob feel sad, happy, pleased, surprised... bt in no time, work resumes and everyone get back on track wid their lives.

Urgh.. i gotta give up two things i loved! They giving mi up too. SIGHZ.

Met up wid e gals... Oh ya! Dat reminds mi upload our photos~ Will b on FB & M.. so chk it out there. I was saying I envyed ppl who r so free, having time goin yoga/gym everyday aft work. Eileen said.. its nt dat these ppl r abnormal.. their workin schedules r normal, its mine who's abnormal. I paused, and thot abt it - quite true leh. hahaha.

Unusual light mood today...

Is on 1.5 days of MC... .. felt better aft a gd rest. Tmr's back to battle ground. Sld b feelin e blues.. instead m feelin a weird sense of peace. Prob cuz i m no longer uncertain, and have made a clear decision. I trust all knots wld b untied... soon.

Met shirley for coffee today.. always felt better aft meetin a fren. Felt a bit nausea cuz i think my condition wasnt suitable for coffee. Later sure kena nagged. But anyway, M definitely looking forward to our Sat meeting. So excited. Got a birthday pressie for Jess.. hope dat she likes it. Was so tempted to buy it for myself cuz i love it. Too bad only thousand and one piece. I must remind myself to reserve a table for Sunday. Lousy planner, i am.

Recently my O2 is giving mi bit bit problem. Perhaps its time to change.. bt i love it leh.. white colour.. plus its white O2 hp holder. Why do we hav to give up things we like? Life's a bitch at times. hahahaha.

U noe our carnivaL sale.. initially it falls on my birthday.. bt den it was pushed to e week aft. So i was happy when i heard of it. Cldnt imagine workin full day on ur birthday ya. Bt nw... whether its Aug, or its Sep.. it really no longer matters. I may be there as a consumer for all u noe. Familar faces leaving and it is truly demoralising.. I wish e Fanastic Four speeds up their decision b4 e team turns brand new.

Grandpa.. you are missed.

A close fren's grandfather passed away ytd.. Today, while chattin wid him at e wake, suddenly i thot of my deceased grandfather. It was barely 2 yrs and so very often he's missed. i dreamt of him at times...sometimz i woke up weeping. 

I rem e morning when i was awoken by that fateful call, i dashed over to his place across the road. i stopped on my path to his room.. tears swelled up my eyes. My cousin walked past mi into e rm, and touched his lifeless hand.. and muttered "grandpa", choking on his tears. I felt empty...I looked at him, tellin myself... "its e last time i'm seeing grandpa.. my last time."

"i'll miss u" i told him secretly. I stoned a while in e living rm.

When my dad and uncles brought grandpa dwn and laid him to the coffin, its e first time i saw all of them eyes all red and puffy.. tears rolled.. my heart went out to them.. my dad looked as though aged many yrs. My eldest cousin was crying. Aft which, the wake kept everyone busy. It was grand.. very grand... but i think that's the last thing we can do for him.

The last day was e worst. Each step in the final ritual was so painful cuz its sending him away. i hid behind my bros' back while i weeped my heart's out. When we were asked to turn our backs as they covered the coffin, we saw our grandma who was sitting behind. My bros' brave fronts over e days crumbled dwn when they caught her alone weeping quietly, wiping her tears wid e tissues.

We accompanied him... his last journey. Male cousins and my brothers broke into 2 groups of 4s to lift a wooden sedan and a plastic sedan...and we walked.. following the bus. Aft prob 200m, we hopped back on to the bus, the journey to the burial ground was quiet....

So fast... coming to 2.5 years. Now as i think of him, tears still swell up... bt the heart doesnt pain that much. Prob knowing he was no longer suffering.

I guess... no matter hw painful anything cld b. No pain is greater than the loss of a loved ones. Losing them forever. Yes, memories of them live... bt the thot of not able to see him ever again, is so painful. Today he's here.. tomorrow he's gone. So... cherish the people around you.

Today's Fathers Day. M sure grandfather is very much being missed. We used to all gather tog at his place, celebrating Fathers' Day. But he lives within us, inside our hearts.

I dunno hw close my fren is wid his grandfather. Prob like me, we shared our special moments when we were young wid our grandfathers. The tender love is always there. Hope he and family will be able to deal with the loss well.

TGIF

TGIF.. i m truly relieved dat its friday.. nw as i speak, its sat. Thk God dat for tis wkend there is no official homework to do. I really wish to give myself a gd break over tis wkend, aft one long wk of long hrs and work stress. So here i m... back fm a wedding dinner (Wif really gd food, n great company), a nt-so-bad movie... and here in my aircon room, and a super chilled kilkenny.

Actually, wasnt in pretty much of gd mood lately. Was very bothered abt some issues, bt at e end of the day, its all abt choices actually. Either u give up something, and start everything afresh. OR u carry on and see if things turn for the better.

I learn sth abt love.
Love.. is being wanting the best for the person.

Even if u hav to send the person away, knowing full well dat by encouraging the departure marks e beginning of the end of the relationship... No matter hw much it hurts inside , u'd still encourage the best for your loved ones. Its like... no matter hw tough is, a mother sloggin her life away to send the son o/s.  Its like... no matter hw much u wan ur partner to be by ur side, u wld still encourage him/her to fulfill his/her dreams, even if it means leaving u for an extended period of time.

After all... if its urs, its urs.