Steffie's World

Demoralising..

Quite demoralising... oso dunno hw to put it. Alot of work to do, bt no mood.

My team r soon becomin fm 8 to 5 ppl. Puttin aside whether there is new replacement, i m  bit bit geared up to cover more duties fm those going to leave us. At the back of my mind - beta do it well, the next promotion, i might hav chance. So its quite self-motivative durin such harsh period of time.

BUT.... Recent communication flow btw e mgt and e soon remaining 5, seems abit weird. Info flow and discuss fm the top layer - 2 persons... to the lower layer - 2 persons.. totally omitting me tis mid layer. I realised dat.. alot of info and discussion, i'm juz totally nt awared of. I had tat sudden 6th sense that they might just decide to remove me this middle layer. Unfortunately.. it seems my worries are not exactly unfounded.

Nw if u ask mi... wats e feel of knowing u r soon to be redundant? I'd tell u... it feels really sucky. Its even worse den the stress of nt meeting ur sales targets or explaining ur figures. I've never felt so rotten. Its like, u are not up to the mark to the next layer, yet you are more senior den the layer below you. Where do i  belong? I dunno, man.

Shitty. These ppl used to be assisting you to do this and do that... the next thing u realised, you are dwngraded to do their job and you are just on par with them. I dunno wat career progression man. Perhaps its really time to faithfully flip e Sat papers and chk out better opportunities out there.

Cherish

Among millions of strangers, to be acquainted and then become friends is not mere coincidences. When fate brings 2 strangers together, as friends or as lovers; think of the millions of people ard the world who do not even have the chance to meet one another. We read so many articles of ppl coming in your life for just a brief moment to tide you through some hurdles, ppl who stays on to make a difference… it may be a short sparkle, it may be a prolong sunshine.

As such, I say - cherish the ppl who fate brings to you.

What makes life beautiful is knowing new people, experience new things, feeling new emotions… what makes life intriguing is learning hw deep love can run, hw sacrificial one can be, hw tough one can become and hw compassionate one can be. As such, I say – cherish the surprises which life brings to you.

Every day we have ten to hundreds of complains. Today probably is your birthday, but there is no birthday cake, no birthday pressies. Today probably is that 1 yr anniversary since your first kiss, but despite obvious hints, there is still no celebrations or pressies. Today probably is your sick day n you wishing your special someone showered more concern, give you more hugs and kisses. Today probably you missed your fav show. Today you probably popped a pimple; you kena scolded by your boss or your parents; you were embarrassed in front of your crash etc…

Whatever unhappiness you have… Just take a step to remind yourself that...

At least you are alive to experience the flow of emotions through you… alive to experience the touch of wind on your face… alive to feel the warmth of sun on your body… alive to breathe the fresh air ard you…

Time flies~

Time flies~ 2 wks since my last entry. Busy busy bumblebee... Back fm my trip. Got to know a fantastic gp of ppl... enjoyed our sandcastle building...e snorkelling...n oso e last night of boozes... *ignoring e tough journey, those sandfly lovebites... =( lolz*

e lovebites are still ard.. still super itchy.. counted more than 50 spots. Urgh, i hate them. Tanned so many million times and tis e first time kena their alluring attention. DAMN. When they started to itch, u'd think hell is a better place to live in. sighz. Awful sight.. need lotsa comforting. sobsob. so so so ugly, so so so itchy.. so so so sad.

once headed back singapore, its super duper busy at work. Dad last saw mi on e day b4 i left for my trip. So when he saw mi tis evening, was fast to strike some conversation wid mi. Haiz. Again, he asked mi to reconsider my choice of work. Almost fainted when he saw e bites. Mum's more cool. Ya, shes always cool. I went to her and said 'i wan show u sth, dun scream.' She went "Oh, u go get a tattoo issit?" -_-'' I think she's disappointed to see red sore bites instead. (buei tahan, at times %^&*) 

Recently i truely loathe hearin tis comment - "omg, u lost weight!" I literally rolled my eyes. WAH LAUZ. Stop tellin mi dat. I m nt tryin to imply dat i cld lose weight easily and being cocky to my fellow female frens who cldnt lose a pound despite their super hardwork.. bt.. its super discouraging to keep hearing dat.

Silence into the night...

1.00am... its still relatively warm in the late night. Just done wid my product launch deck, tomolo to start looking into the forecast numbers. My wkend is gone just like that. Good news is.. i'll b away during the long wkend Bad news is... the very next day i return, it is my product launch week.

Unfortunate for the bad timing. High chance i might b bothered abt any hipcups in the preparation of the launch, might nt b able to enjoy fully, but still, i'll go to my break   Someone is going to b real touched. Gotta b careful on my tan, otherwise during my launch dates, i wld look like some red lobster...or worse still -skin peeling away.

Its nt all work for mi today.. In the afternoon, I went for a workshop wid e gals in the afternoon. Pretty entertaining cuz one of the presentors is really damn funny. We were laughing till our side ached. Must chk out the papers next week, to see if we are featured on it. Hey babes - e picz uploaded onto facebook ya!! Nice~

Stress & Pressure seems flooding in. Past wk was terrible. Too many meeting, too busy, too late nights, cant make it for kickboxing, and my Yoga.... n i lost my appetite. Bad thing is e chestache and e headache hit mi again - b4, durin & after work. sighz. The insomia is getting worse. HAIZ. i was surprised that "its all coming back to me".

I was analysing - the reason other than e fear on unable to complete the pilling work, another factor was the negative "karma" inherited fm some of my colleagues who are plannin for their exit. Of cuz i cldnt deny tat recent conflicts btw mi and my team mates & boss made mi lose that motivation totally.

Anyway, for now...i'll go for my break, concentrate on my launch, and i'll see if there's improvement in health, in work, in wkplace relationship... Anyway no one is indispensable. My new portfolio, my colleague still ard, so she can take it back...juggle as she has done before. As for my existing portfolio, my boss's new found right-hand lady will b more den capable to handle.

Gotta catch some sleep... Tmr's lotsa things to rush.

I am so tired.

150am, just reached hm fm office. Exhausted - wonder hw long tis is goin to last.

Had a bad clash wid my boss today. Words spelled totally threw mi off balance, and angered mi close to tears. Totally being put dwn, as usual. Not the first time. Exhausted - wonder when its goin to happen again.

I hav a new colleague, very quiet lady.. thr conversation, thr ppl's feedback, i kinda scared to entrust her huge project. She's nice, but... if u ask her to walk straight, once there is a wall in front blockin her way, she wld merely stand there and wait for instruction. Aniwae... She was placed in charge of the upcoming huge event. I raised my concern, but i was strictly told off by my boss - "You either trust ur colleague or you do it urself. I TELL U, you trust your colleague."

ok. point taken.

So, i trusted upon her to get a simple floor plan being drawn up for one of an expo show. Ended up? The categories held by her immediate boss and her boss's boss was fantastically being done up. And the 1/4 area meant for my category? I dunno hw to comment. So much so for 'trusting ur colleague'. I raised the question hw cum such layout? i kena left, right, center...cuz my boss said i began pointing fingers. I never been unkind to her. I always offered help whenever she appears lost. For e floor plan, cuz she din come to me, i assume everything ok. Since communicating to designers on floor plan is nothing new to them. Its their day in day out responsibility. Anyway, despite mi sayin she din come to mi to discuss or shout for help, i assume everything ok. THEN my boss retorted dat i din follow up wid her.. I blur. @_@ He added i prob din communicate properly to her. Everything is abt mi and nothing abt her.

Sometimez appearing too vocal is nt good. Cuz its easily being misinterpretated dat u wld bully other quieter colleagues. So so so discouraging. So so so disappointing.

i seriously... dunno wat to say anything. ALdy twice, i wonder when e next one's coming up.

Assignment accomplished fm Princess...

Hehe.. u know who u are...

Ok this is that calender of the "niu lang".... See dat silly niu and dat gong-gong boy. hahahaha. Lets look at the closed up picz...

ok.. saw dat feet? hahaha.

i'm moving~

I'm moving~ Some of u wld noe wat i mean, go chk ur email to see if u receive anythin fm mi *wink*

Hws mi over e past wk? Well, work is usual-like a piece of junk. Further demoralised cuz its contagious. No longer rule out nt flippin e sat papers. As much as it has high potential for job prospect, some hygiene factors r juz missing. Anyway, there's prob juz a couple few whom i will miss. But well, life goes on. =D

May will prob b really busy - new portfolio for one. Plus i hav my launch to take note as well. Had a differing view on a colleague's capability to coordinate e launch project. Nt really confident of her but i was told 'to trust my colleague'. Prob becomin really selfish on my part - primarily focus on meeting objective aka success of e launch & totally ignore e fact dat we need to give chances to groom ppl internally. No right nor wrong, juz dat i thot this launch nt exactly a platform to groom ppl. Too much to lose. 
But still - decision's made. too bad.

Tuesday's kickboxing was really straining. Tired sia. I hope tomorrow's yoga wont stretch my screaming thighs. lolz. I really look forward to wkends.

Tis prob my last. Till we talk... take care~