Steffie's World

Unspoken longingness...

Once.. i was captivated by this object. Not by the outlook, for beauty deserted it. Or, its never consider beauty, by my std. Familiarity soon evoked the interest because underneath that thin superficial layer of appearance lies something more intriging. Yet, by default, the object is classified as beyond ur reach.

Every step nearing the object, e scent smells like roses to ur nose, e scarf touches like silk to ur skin... its like e aroma of coffee tempting you to take a deep breath, sucking in e air, letting it through ur nose & transpassing dwn to an imaginary taste to ur tongue. Emotional turmoil when all u wan is to watch from afar for u understand its lethal sld u taste it - like hooking on to opium. period.

Just as Adam's being tempted by Eve, and tasted the forbidden fruit, e heavenly taste and the hidden desire to own the object suddenly burst & explode in universe. Holding e object... the unspoken longingness and love pour steadily - wishing to call it mine. Internal struggle continues - for all is clear dat all good things will soon come to an end.

Opening the hand, taking one last glance at the beautiful object, shakey fingers treading the edge as though understanding thats the final touch... eyes blinking back e tears, clearing the vision, not trusting ownself in speaking. Each pump of the heart as though knife piercing through, reminding the pain that its tearing your heart to gain its exit.. its exit out of that special corner in your heart, its exit out of your life..and its entry onto another galaxy.

Stupid Nap-Mare. URGH.

Had an afternoon nap-mare. Woke up sweating.

It sucks, cuz it was like ur deepest fear came true... each and every scene played right in front of ur eyes... and the emotional turmoil was so real. 

I pray it wld never happen, the way it did in my dreams. I hate nightmares. No more nap for mi - ever again. Still feel shakey. Urgh.

Had my yoga class ytd. Haiz. I think those ppl yoga majiam like emotioness creatures.. even when they talk its monotoness. -_-'' I juz cldnt shake off that thot of i-cant-fit-in-wif-e-yoga-ppl-cuz-they-sound-boring, every time i attened a yoga class. Prob m juz too used to kickboxing where u r out for blood. Eeeekkk... steffie's violent gal. nt gd nt gd. They aldy reached self-actualisation stage...... Amen.

Tmr's kickboxing. Enjoyed my last wk's class, aft throwing some punches, and sweating it out, felt so much better. The team seems better... bt, still nt gd enuff. Look forward to some martial art steps. =D

I m contemplating to shift my bloggy out of frenster.. Prob multiply, blogspot or xanga... bt.... SIANZ. See hw ler.

TGIF!!!

Thk God its Friday!!!! Its 12am~

Tis wk is HORRENDOUS! New volcabulory fm fatty. "Dun understand? Go chk e dictionary." Kaoz, always using chim chim words, i dun bloody understand, and i dun care =p

Tis wk is really really... i dunno wat to say. Meetings filled my calendar like nobody's biz. Friday - same. Bt... its alright, cuz its friday~ ^^ I signed up Yoga - again. Lolz. Saw e content - actually i have learnt dat aldy.. bt well, start basic first. Look forward to tmr's lesson. AND...Though Sat, need go back office meeting at like 830am, its alright. As long as... its wkend, i get my break. =D So easy, get contented ya. =D

Dat night, i was so tired dat i forgot to remove my contact lens b4 i sleep.. ur guess is as good as mine. Haiz.. e next morning, its Ms Tan aka, steffie c/w glasses. @_@ They juz kept teasing dat i look like a teacher. %$#@.. wonder if i really look weird. Even fatty asked mi if its new pair of glasses.

My colleague told mi I looked funky in this CMM (Customer Marketing Managers) booklet. Its a booklet where they show my org. mkting ppl's photo. Maybe i juz dropped by to see e picz. Den i'll see my two earring boys aka, my two Marketing Managers. My boss is getting cuter as days go by - esp his recent hairdo. Prob ppl who's gettin married like tis glow in them. When i in love, its very apparent.. the glow is there. Den e world is so beautiful. hahahahahaha. For nw, steffie lives in hell ;p

Next wk prob goin to really shitty as well, cuz its mth end = closing. Urgh.. beta dun think dat far - enjoy as for nw.

hws ur wkend?

Hws ur wkend leh? Mine was packed wif activities, nw den hav bit bit time for myself. Fri was pissed off cuz mi woked up wid a "yoohoo~ TGIF!!" Ended up, kena called in meeting wid some biz partners, n had to join lunch too. ^%$# No choice bt to cancel my own lunch appt. Aft dat its meeting till 1am in e morning. I had wanted to go party~ WAHLAUZ! Came hm, wanna hav a chilled beer - nothing in e fridge. ~_~ Felt like cursing. lolz.

Wkend was alright. Sat was mktin visits, shoppin, movie... Sun as well. =D Watched Forbidden Kingdom & The Other Boleyn Girl. The latter was fantastic! Great choice of movie =D

Went to tis residental place in tampines to pick up a sinful brownie cake. den it struck mi dat its damn gd biz potential to set up a website, or maybe a blogger site and sell ur hm-made cake la, accessories la, clothes la. Low cost, via word of mouth or relying e power of internet. Yoohoo~ Like mi goin to make some online order purchase of Cxxxx bag fm a hm-maker. Gd biz, issnt it? Go think abt it. *wink*

Trip to Ikea pissed mi off. Since 2wks back, i aldy wanted to go Ikea to chk out mattress cuz Rob said over there got gd deal. Was happy finally can go there, bt ended up, i havnt even gotten chance to sit on one, or see e range, aldy kena shooed away. Wats wrong wif buying mattress in Ikea wor. Talked as though i'm pain stupid - going to a wrong place to buy wrong thing. My shopping enthusiasm instantly dampened. Being brought to another so-called "correct" place for mattress, anyhw picked & bought 2. Thot e episode was over, but in e night, i saw on papers "Seahorse mattress 50% off" !!!! AIYO - *pull hair*

Shopping in town was quite fun. Had fun trying out shoes in Taka basement. muahahaha. Buyin pressie was a headache cuz i cldnt make up my mind wat i wan to buy. Dun wanna my pressie, for watsoever reason, ended up collectin dust somewhere. Went MontBlanc... chk out e fountain pens. Was trying a couple, den found the ink smudged all over my hand. &^%$# WAHLAUZ!!! Branded leh. ~_~ Suddenly made mi rem my colleague tellin mi - fountain pen too high class for mi to use. Said i suitable for low class pen. *angry* Immediately, i threw out e idea of buyin fountain pen. HUMPH. I moved on to another section - almost cldnt resist dat wallet.. I luv their wallet. lolz. bt cuz it prob gonna end up in some dark corners, so - nope. Thot these Nike & Puma watches r kinda cool.. AIYOO.. looked so nice leh!!! Mi fren so nice to put e watches and lemmi compare. lolz. Headache. Ended up, i din buy anything. hahaha.

so much so for my wkend lor.. Tmr's back to work.

Why monday's always come sooo fast. =(

Is tis e kind of life you wan?

My ex-FC's fav question to mi and miniboz - "Is tis e kind of life u wan?" Both of us wld throw a bitter laugh, w/o explictly spelled out our answer.

Abit sick of days where u reached office, in-out-in meetings, lunch-in, clear emails, dinner in office, reached hm 10plus.. showered, blog, rest. OMG - dats typical steffie's life - which is 'NO LIFE". Cldnt even hav proper timealone. Very tired.. =( I dun even hav time for shopping!!! aiyo - die liao. Bt tis sat, need to do mkt visit - to really chk out my boys. There goes my wkend. *sobsob*

today kept hearing e word "horrendous" x 2.. wah lauz. "bloody horrendous" &^%$#.... i hate today's meeting. Dat fatty. ~_~ ANGRY. PLUS... for one split sec, m soooo happy goin o/s wid my boz for some o/s launch.. i dyin to go since i joined. Bloody hell, dat fatty went "i think one of u go, n den come back to share wid another" *pull hair!!!!* &^%$ My middle finger aldy poked underneath e table. WAH LAUZ!! Aldy threw tis at e back of my head, when durin din din time, they asked hw cum mother hen went korea, den nw go UK, and den not mi. WAH LAUZ!! Dun remind mi la. Where got pdt mger of such glam glam & super challenging category always stuck inbound one. SO... tis yr = zero biz trip. Company trip = Genting trip. WAH LAUZ!!!!

*heavy sighz* Maybe LG has beta incentive. lolz.

Nvm, on a positive note - i shall look forward to my increment. =D On top of being happy durin my last BKK co. trip plus dat HK biz trip, I just realised some of e happy moment for mi is getting my promotion, den my 13th month, den my bonus, and nw my increment (cross my finger). Sometimz i asked myself - since when my mind only hovering ard monetary returns? A total new feelin to mi cuz ur stupid steffie's mentality towards work is "i work for love". Nw i think abt it - F%$# u. 

Finally its wednesday... 2 more to go...

Saw a region colleague holding e same O2 A.L white color LE phone ~_~ If he has e same white holder, i swear i m goin to change it. =p But but but... wld search for e best of e best deal... cuz mi aint goin to b like some dudo sold it off at a dirt cheap price and den whinned e entire wk. Thk God dat it doesnt hang dat much.. juz dat i heard sometimz sms cldnt get through. Hmm.. i love e color~

E other day was waitin for e gals to do up their hair, den went to birkenstock raffles city branch to chk out the sandals. Initially was abit dun feel like goin in cuz mi wearing a 'birkenstock' lookalike sandals branded 'Charles & Keith' tsk tsk. But i dun care lar, cuz i wan to chk out any latest design. M surprised and definitely impressed by the customer service provided. E ladies there are very friendly and helpful. Some of the other outlets r known for their lousy services la. Aniwae... i bought e sandals cuz of e gd service. lolz. My mum loves my pair, so prob head back to get one more for her. ^^

My lips are really red.. aka too heaty...aka goin to fall sick soon. HAIZ. sianz. Tis morning e MRT really champion. Fm AMK to Bishan, i think it took like 15mins instead of e usual less den 5mins. It stopped, moved, stopped, moved... WAHZ. SO scared dat it might take like ages to reach office. Quickly alighted at Bishan & hitch a ride. Tis SMRT always got problem one leh. ~_~

Was helping e team to clear up the storeroom till like 10plus pm. Nw my feet kept cramping. damn painful. Princess majiam cannot work like dat. Carry bit bit stuff, feet cramp. muahahahaha.

^-^

One of these days, if hav time must go chk out Simon's new store. lolz. Ask him to go pick one which he thinks suits mi. =D Hmm.. ask him to serve mi. muahaha. M sure he sure went dwn his bended knees and put on e shoes for mi.. =D Cuz he's sooo customer service oriented.

finally firmed up on my May holidays ^^. Its so yucky to find out dat our big event wld b held e immediate tues aft Vesek day (19may-mon). Aiyo. I wld b having fun over the long long long wkend leh. I where got time to prepare... Anyway, cross e bridge when we reach. M sure mi goin to hav fun. ^_____________^

This shower heater we recently installed... aiyo.. only used by mi, roberto, and my SIL... wahz.. den my parents n nic got so used to showering cold water. Made mi think abit waste monies.. ~_~ Must persuade them to use... Even e bird uses cold water to shower. Casper uses hot water leh. lolz. Miss him, wonder hws he's doing. E last round i saw him was b4 CNY.

Recently one of colleagues asked hw cum i so happy recently. lolz. m surprised at his observation. m nt so happy wid work recently cuz nw am at a cross road. Too many things to do, bt dunno where to start, but there's a fear knowing if u dun kick start clearing e shit, the pipeline is going to b choked. Happy aka more relax is cuz... divert watsoever attention toward anywhere but work. Bad ya. lolz. Scarly one fine day, m like my colleague - suddenly checked into hotel for a night to take a break fm e world. =D

Tiring day...

Thot Fri wld b relaxing - nope. wrong. Ended up, meeting aft meeting aft meeting. Was relieved dat cld catch mrs ling for dinner at tis place where rotiprata sells at $9/piece. lolz. Koko was frenly to mi. Haha. Tried to sleep early at 12am, bt din really sleep till 330am. Busy texting my sweetie, unloading all my unhappiness on work. Dragged myself up early to go office for promoters meeting. Stayed on to do some work since it was pouring really heavy, bt was nice to go lunch @ Thomson wid one nice company. While he busy makin calls, i busy shoppin for tidbits =D

Alot of "first time" today... tsk tsk. First time boliao boliao, we went explore lower pierce reservior n was surprised on the qty of monkeys and ppl who go there to fish. lolz. Quite a nice place, bt we hurried off when it started to rain. wasted. Had another first time experience exploring another place.... erm.. reserve it for ourselves - but we were rather surprised by the "highclass highclass feel". Not bad... tsk tsk. Quite cozy.. & fantastic sweetie who never failed to take my breathe away.

Earlier on i mentioned abt my poor fren who had a terrible experience wid some idiot. We thot it was settled - at least i thot so during my last blog entry. BUT NO! It was really peace before the storm. ~_~ The can of worm was finally opened up tonight, wid us all geared up to kill watsoever worms. EEEkkkkk... - no choice la. Tonight's encourter was the most draining. First time to support my fren in such incident, though its nt new to mi. Nevertheless.. thk God its over. lolz. sooo tired nw.

hi there...

Past few days were havin training wif o/s counterparts. Had fun when we went for dinner at Jumbo last night. Din join e guys for drink though i'm flattered dat the trainer fm Holland personally invited mi. Instead, went to the gals' hotel room chit chat. ^-^ So cute, the gals.

Felt tired. Left office late today, and then realised dat i'm e only left! Gosh. Quite bothered abt work recently. Within, i felt really yucky abt myself having to go direct to my mini-boss to complain abt some of my peers. As though backstabbing. HAIZ. But they hav been sitting on the things for weeks and i hav had enuff following up and getting either no response or no change in status. I have ppl hot on my heels on the same matter as well. Vexed. Urgh - tough. Think my mini boss goin to see mi equally useless on getting ppl to do what they hav committed. Useless cuz small issues oso need to escalate to him. Dunno la. =(

Everyone came to mi sayin "ay, ur boss put on a lot of weight hor". lolz. N tis vain pot is quite vexed abt it. Cfm its cuz of those ice-creams. I'm nice - i place one weighing scale in his rm so dat he can monitor his weigh gain/loss, AND of cuz for mi to monitor mine as well la. Another of my sales mger oso damn funny. Kept sayin put on weight la, must go exercise la. Its weird - men in my office put on weight when stress, women lost weight when stress. ^_^

Some issue happened to a close fren recently, m really happy dat things finally settled dwn... Brought back some memories of mine on similar situations. Really hav to agree - That which does not kill u, makes u stronger.

Vantage Point

Watched a fantastic movie tonight - "Vantage Point". At least its so much beta den e "Untracible" we watched last sunday. The 'killwithme.com' website is just so disturbing. Urgh.

Aniwae - back to "Vantage Point". The way it was filmed, was truly unique. Eight strangers wif eight diff points of view trying to unlock the one truth behind an assassination attempt on the president of the United States. Its really cool. ^-^ The only drawback was each point of view was shown in a "play-back" style... so its kinda irritating when aft each view point, it "fast-forward" and went back to the very first screen of "11.59am - the time before e assassination". ~_~ But alright, worth e monies. =D Ok, nt my monies, bt worth it. =p

This wk will b slightly relaxed... cuz today n tomolo, mi on full day training.. thinkin of extending to Thursday.. n friday e world's going Batam, so life definitely relax in office. =D Anything abt next wk? Next time den worry la. =D

So happy to see my Indian bf today. He was eating ice-cream some more! Last sat, went shopping specifically bought him a Nike windbreaker. So dat when he practices his marathon or watsoever, he can wear it =D Holland is soooo cold at times. He likes it. ^^ Thk God I took e 'L' size, i'm totally useless in choosing shirts. E ladies r comin to mi saying "Stephanie! U sure going to miss him HOR!!" Then i wld keep nodding my head.. n he wld laugh out blushing. SO cute. lolz. Am going to miss miss miss him loads. ;-(

The useless soccer coach lost his cool again. omg. Can u imagine a soccer coach instead of strategising hw to score more goals, he walked ard askin e boys to do proper hsekeeping, cabinets to clean up, floor to be clear of waters, boots to be cleaned, shirts to be tucked in at all times... ^%$# Useless fella. Irritating.

Sometimz its gd to let it go...

I was strolling home juz nw, deep in thoughts.

Its nothing new to any one of us - when you are being forced to give up something you truly love dearly. You wan it so badly to stay wid u dat u even lay dwn ur pride and beg for it. There's ppl even kneel dwn for forgiveness.

As much as u looked back and regretted ur behaviour which resulted such conclusion, i think it is impt to know that... it takes two hands to clap. Is there a point for you to try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost? When both of u r moving in different directions, when both of u r sleeping at far edges of e bed, when wat u hav done kept hitting on the wall.........sometimes, its gd to just let it go.

You can analyse the r/s, look for reasons, and causes, but you will never do any more than takes the life out of the experience.

Take it as a learning, let it go.. and move on.

If you keep your heart open, love will come again.

its wkend again...

Next Fri, everyone's heading batam... =( I cant go.. felt sooo disappointed. But no choice, work comes first. Next time, den go wid my own frens.

Recently, got really hurt by some remarks made by a close fren. Din blew my top, bt my face aldy sunken... bt dat doesnt stop those hurtful remarks. ~_~ Sighz. Though meant to b jokes, bt dun carry too far... haiz. Sad.

Casting dat aside... mi felt tremendously pleased when i stepped into my hse today. =D Dat hsehold purchase i was saying.. finally set up and my family aldy using liao ^^ Think my roberto's e happiest. And steffie oso la. ^______^

Tmr's sat.. Attending e SFF in Taka at 10pm. Urgh, lousy timing. Our VIP invitation cards gain free entry to MOS tmr nite. Nt bad hor. lolz. Rite aft, i goin home koon liao lor. =D

Okie.. hav a nice wkend ya~

last yr tis time.....

Last yr tis time, i was in Japan. Still rem e shopping spree on Burberrys.. & e ridiculous times e three of us visited the shinto temples aka shrines plus the prayers. lolz. Had great laughs. I missed e hot springs. Nw i sld b sleeping in tatami... ^-^

Ytd slept at 5am. Madness. Reached office at 830am juz cuz i wanna catch my big boss. Nw i really zombotic. In fact whole day, i wished for a bed... bt i'm in and out of meetings.. ~_~ Bit bit regret to accept e invitation to e SFF.. Sat 10pm. WAHZ.. siaoz man.

i'm really happy today cuz someone close to mi is promoted. =D Very proud and definitely pleased, bt somehw felt really sad cuz his promotion means his need to move on to another country. Gonna miss him big time. So.. i m goin to buy him a big pressie. Muz think think think... =D Bt i goin miss him sooooo much, he wld b sooooo far away. =(

happy april fool's day...

Something really unpleasant happened today. It tasted truly bitter to b wronged.. and e worse thing was, it immediately placed u out of the league. You r one hot candidate to heaven, bt one misunderstanding - off to hell you go.

Your words against their words... their perceptions against the reality. Hair pulling situation, total frustration... bt come to think abt it, ppl up there, dun care abt ppl dwn there. U wan ur words to mean something? u wan turn the blacks to whites? SURE - move up there and be God. Then, u command total respect. No one question if u point at an orange and say its an apple. =D If you still nt up there? Swallow it and rem it well, but say "Yes - dat red apple is definitely an orange." ^-^

Actually come to think abt it, its nt e first time. Sld hav taken it wif a pinch of salt, rather den over-reacting again. Low EQ.
"Take it easy, mate" ; "Take it as a learning".

The world's beautiful if its an april fool's joke. Anyway, it on longer matters.