Steffie's World

fri comin soon... yippeee~

i was in a great mood in e morning.... even bought big bags of tidbits for them - majiam santa claus goin ard distributing pressies. Steffie was still happy.. till dat stupid headache struck mi. URGH! i sat there stoned. @_@

dec is here!! omg!! and i hav 4 more days of leave to clear!! I m nt goin to use tis entry as a reflection for e yr 2007. we'll do it when its coming to near end. lolz. wat to buy for mi on xmas?!! lolz. i aldy told pris i wan e album CD... whoever buys mi chocolate will GET IT FRM MI.. and dun get mi CUPS cuz i hav tonnes of them.. i'll kill u if i get TOWELS..n pls no perfume, i still hav alot sia..  Think wisely before u buy. =p

oooo.. steffie voted e best public speaker, e most generous, e best listener, e toughest and e nicest. *paisei* LOLZ! noe wat i love best in facebook? shoes, deco ur rooms, i luv e tarot (really!), n thks for pattin n feedin gumMIe..pantry raid! wah lauz... mean creatures!

FINALLY its friday tmr!!!!! aiyo. really really lookin forward to wkends. i noe e holidays r gone.. cuz my GM comin back soon. sobsob.

its relaxing time...

its hoegaarden time wif mummy. lolz. Seriously, hw many of u drink wif ur parents? lolz.

was havin dinner wif my boss and saw ppl drinking jugs of hoegaarden. =O~~ Came back, whack first. hahaha. gave mi mum one bottle, and steffie one bottle. CHILLED.. yummy. She said no kick. *faint* Ytd, she took my vodka and asked me e different ways to drink vodka. Rem my mummy? shorter den short hair... browner den bronze hair. lolz. She's a liquor person. XO? Martel?Gordon Blues? On e rock? 5% beer - no wonder no kick. BUT... she still gimmie face n drinks my hoegaarden cuz she noes - steffie seldom shares her beer. lolz.

my mum juz damn cute. she's learning english... sometimz really dunno to laugh or cry. lolz.

back to... hw many of u drink wif ur parents? lolz. when it comes to drinking, my parents r pretty open. Bt its a no no when it comes to smoking. they will kill u. weird hor. they wld offer my younger bro - beer lar, liquor lar..etc etc. they wld allow him to toast wif their frens. Mi? they noe it depends on my mood... bt we all went "NO" when it comes to my youngest bro. lolz. poor fella hor. lolz. I admit, we abit protective when it comes to the youngest one. DRIVE alone? NO! DRINK? hmmm.. beta not. Ride Bicycle on e road - err... beta not. lolz. Poor roberto. But ok lar.. i share my beer wif him at times. lolz.

aniwae, as a family, we hav a hell lot of fun. Think i damn gd singer? my dad is a hell lot beta. He is prob e only one who frowns when i sing - said i dunno hw to sing. ~_~ Stressful to go ktv wif him. Bt ok la.. cuz he better den mi - OK LOR. =p

its time to arrange for a ktv session!!!!

green smooth sailing lights... red warning lights..

updating my blog while my leg is cramping. lolz.

its been a while.. lotsa stuff happened recently. There was a moment when a big pail of chilled water poured head on. I dun appreciate insensitivity, i dun appreciate lies, watever it may be, when tears dried up, everything will b fine.

Was catchin up wif some old frens...Behind dat grins, each n every individual person has their own sets of problem. You may see her as great career, wonderful kids; little do u noe dat her marriage is on red-light. You may see him up high in the corporate ladder; little do u noe dat his health is on red-light. Another person great health, great career, but juz cldnt find dat special someone... another one - everything great, bt hav to help e family pay off debts.... it goes on and go... everyone has their ups n downs.

there's green smooth sailing light, there's red warning light.... sometimes - even mi, thot dat our problems r e biggest, heaviest burden. Bt alot of timz, we are juz guilty dat we magnify our problems and just dwell on too much. i super guilty of dat. When u cant move on, try to recall that 'cross' story. Rem? You carried a heavy burden cross, God gives u a chance to go into a rm to drop off ur heavy cross and allow you to exchange for another lighter one.. u opened e door, there's different sizes of crosses - some so tall that u cant even see the tip.. at e end of e day, ur cross might juz b dat tiny little one.

i m still miserable. things r juz not back into track. nothing seems to improve.. even gastric is acting up. bt watever it might be... i still hav my dimpled smile... i m nt gaining additional pounds... i m gettin so fantastic durin my kick boxing class.. i still hav some spare cash for xmas pressies... i'm aldy half way filling xmas parties, dinners for all my Dec Sat... Casting e worries aside, steffie seems still pretty alright for nw. I think even if i'm gone, i wld still b missed. Doesnt dat matter e most... =D

i am so so so tired...

u cant imagine e time i went to office for meetin today.... hav to reach at 730am! AIYO... one aft another intensive meeting. I had thot i cld escape the 2nd one.. ~_~ hw naive can i b?

din really hav a gd rest tis wk... told u my team all MIA, either havin ice-cream in bangkok, or winning wanes in some workshop.. i m all alone in office. i thot at least there's peace to do work - WRONG. u do work - anything bt your own work. Argh. E gd thing? nice kakis for lunch. lolz.

my two most impt men in office made mi work like slave. lolz. imagine havin to sit there wait for long distance call durin midnite, to discuss abt work..... rush ur meals, sit there to wait for yet another call which never come... Its always 2am either lying eyes big big on e bed or still doin work. And i still havnt seen my chips and beer. Kena conned liaoz.

Condition din really improve.. still havin e ache.. hmm.. its situational trigger, i realised. nt gd. bt beta to monitor further. Actually nt in gd mood, in fact, quite saddened to hear a colleague soon to b gone.. SIGHZ heavily. e only thing i can do is.. dun think abt it.

my GM is on leave till god knows when. AIYO!!! so happy. lolz. next week will b terribly stressed cuz of closing.. for NOW? wat e hell. lolz. 

&^%#$*

its no gd.. when u r juz sitted into a restuarant, ur GM called u.. den wishing to talk to u abt work in an hrs time.

its no gd.. when u rushed thro ur dinner, u abt to leave.. u realised its raining cats n dogs.

its no gd.. when u wan to grab a cab, e bloody queue is so.... bloody long.

its no gd.. when u had no bloody choice, bt to damn it n take a bus...

its no gd.. when u told ur GM, u wld b gettin back to him at a later time.. n he said its late, we shall discuss e next day.

its no gd.. when ur immediate superior told u... u r dead to keep ur boss waiting.

its no gd.. when e min u stepped into e hse, e whole furniture shifted here n there... n u r totally lost.

its no gd.. when u zoomed into the fish tank... saw it empty.. n was told e fish is gone for gd. URGHhhhhhh....

sometimz u juz hav no choice bt to &^$%**&@ curse and swear.

i juz realised....

i just realised my blog is nothing bt complains on work and whining on health problem!!!!!

hw borin can steffie get? for today, for nw... no mention of work, no mention of health ya....

today~ we order McDonalds breakfast delivery. I hav dat craving for e longest period and tis morning, i thot wat-e-heck! 3 of us, we ordered these $20bundle meal. McDonalds oso got bundle pack hor.. dun pray pray. Rob was saying my rm fengshui nt gd, and i always cropped myself in my rm doin work. I juz realised i'm e last in e family to noe nic chkin out hses. WAH LAUZ!!!!

its so cooling tonite... love e weather... n it rained in e afternoon somemore. nope, i din sleep, though i swear it wld b damn shiok. I was busy doing "what character i am in sex & e city" muhahahahaha..... I am scaling!! wahz... my skin is peeling peeling peeling.... hmmmmm......... think tis sunday, sld b gd enuff for a second round. AIYO~ i'm plannin for new yr's eve liao leh!!!! ^O^ So excited. lolz...

xmas is coming. oughta write down shopping list... and then go xmas shopping... dats will make mi really happy. Yrs back its mi who set up dat xmas tree, and organise gift exchange and xmas party... hehehe... i hope office one will b fun. Ought to let us pick e person whom we need to buy for liao leh. its LATE! ^O^ no matter who i pick... pls pls pls pls.... i pray whoever is in my mind now, i will not PICK their names. i rather flush my money away. =p i so mean. opps.

kidding. xmas is a period of sharing.. someone goin to church - humph! someone goin to japan - double humph humph. needs seriously planning, otherwise i will b alone for xmas! omg!!!!

wkend... soon to end..

Din take my dinner, had coffee and some ice-cream... till nw still feel nausea.. Argh. Feel so helpless at times.

Its sunday~.. den e next thing u noe, wkend will b over. Sighz, mon/tues, my team only left mi. =( Some b outstation, one b on course.  Sad issit? ~_~ Suddenly felt so whinny... Argh, i hate to b alone. I prob end up nt havin lunch at all. watever.

i miss e stars recently... i hav been lookin up e stars outside my windows lately. i missed sitting on e beach under e coconut trees, burying my feet under e sand, lookin across e sea, counting e stars, listening to e waves and feeling e breeze brushing past my face.

The toughest thing i hav learnt is letting go. Letting go of a mistake, letting go of a person, letting go of a matter... Sometimz it seems so easy to say, bt its juz unattainable for mi. Sometimz i hold on to things just too tightly to my heart cuz they are so dear to mi. So precious and so dear. Felt miserable. Yuckz!

Couple of my frens r bothered by r/s. Hav also problem, Dun hav also problem. aiyo. human really fuss over problems they ownself created. lolz~ Hmm.. i can only share - when it comes to the 'L' word - Love nt necessary means possession. Its urs, its urs. If its nt urs, it prob never meant to be. So long as my loved one is happy, it really doesnt matter e misery of nt being tog, cuz his grin prob makes u glow with happiness as well.

Confusing? Nt saying i'm right.. bt.. juz food for thot~

needing a break... needing a moment...

i am so tired. thot tis wk wld b more relaxed cuz my GM nt ard. Bt no... i felt so tensed. emotional turmoil. too many things happened.. lousy health.. stress over work.. unproductive.... sighz. i think i've sighz a million times. No matter wat i see, where i go, its as though there is melancholy in e wind n sorrow in e grass...

i dun wish to give everything up... bt sometimz its juz beyond ur control. As much as i think its a great place to develop in, health comes above all else.

lemmi go grab my hoegaarden... its fri.

^O^ so much beta.... ^____^ lets talk abt something else. its yr end! so fast hor. aldy nov.. i cant believe i work till i totally forget abt my most fav season. E lings b off to japan... **&^%$... there goes my annual xmas eve dinner ~_~ Beta get mi nice xmas pressie. HUMPH.

lemmi share abit wif u on my work. Frankly speaking - though workload is heavy, though lotsa office politics, though many meetings, though stress at e end of e mth, n super stress on e 1st wk of e mth...... i dun really hate my job. I.... quite enjoy it. Sometimz i wld complain, and i tell u - my boss can tell u hw much i can complain, hw whiny i wld get.... bt.. i dun hate my job.

my colleagues r one bunch funny creatures. i hav one who laugh anything under e sun, another one whose laughter i classified as super horrible, one who wears dat teddy bear grin, one who sings her lobby songs n do her 'sharon stone', and nt forgettin my boss who buys mi chocolates, n eats my teddybear chocolates... and i hav a FC who never fails to make mi laugh. HE, i hav to say - is real funny. And my dear n'bour, who first time we argued, no matter hw much differences we hav, at e end of e day, we still respect each other as individual. Oh, n dear mr kay, whose laughter is so damn funny. i still rem his team cheers in BKK.

i will miss each n every one... i will, u know.

much stress, bt.. i find joy in communicating and interacting wif my colleagues. Nt forgettin my simplicity pledge is my pdt ambassador leh. meaning - i use my epilators, curlers, straighteners, dryers, infracare, toothbrushes... etc etc. aiyo... tough decision.

Stress comes when its yr end - endless promotions.. and needing to meet e yr target.. only left 2 mths. i dun wish to end e yr - half celebrating. mkt leader bt yet cldnt meet e target. its juz.. nt fulfilling, u noe. Again - i think i need to adjust my expectation. aiya.. its never ending. All work has its problem.

gosh... 150am. time to hit e bed... mina.. hav a gd wkend k? =D

yhew.. finally its fri...

today is so busy.. meeting aft meeting aft meeting.. i think i din get to warm my seat for more than 30mins. scary issit?

dun dive into reading my blog. steffie's alright, steffie's fine. Still working hard, yes still deciding who to date, yes still blogging, and yes still ah.. eating. juz e usual sleepin problem. Ytd i slept.. thk god i hav bought so many bottles of hoegarrden.. n killkenny. They come in handy. =D

I guess.. it is juz a matter of getting used to it. Painful? wah lauz, of cuz la.. bloody hell. Its shitty to look perfectly fine when u r in office. Aldy feelin rotten, still hav to grin like an idiot. Bt e restlessness was evident, cuz my colleague asked mi if i'm really bored cuz i kept walkin ard. WATEVER! Thk god its fri.

Haiz... Seriously, no matter wat happened, one still needs to believe in love, believe in life. I mean i still dun believe in love lar, bt i trust in life. I dun need to go into - promises turn into craps when love turns sour rite. lolz. Anyway...at times one juz hav to make choices. At a cross road - Be it wrong or right. Sometimz we r on right path (Congratulation), sometimz we r on wrong path (damn it), sometimz we juz got to sacrifice the things we like... I hav made a mistake. big mistake, bad mistake. and i hurt someone in the process, i felt terrible. i seriously think i will suffer retribution. =( 

At e end of e day.. there's no point in talking what this should have been, that should have been... and regretted the things dat happened. It happened liao rite? blame urself oso like dat. haiz. Fall down, pick urself up. We learnt dat since young rite? I bloody hell juz dashed when i learnt roller blading.. and den ice blading.. and ice skating. fall, fall lor. pain only mah. bleed only mah. e pain will go away, e wound will recover.. in the midst of pain, u learnt sth. All things happened for a reason. When it comes to matters of e heart, I hav aldy stopped questioning 'why', stopped asking 'wat if'... Things juz happened. It happened means it happened. U got e world's answer, u still cant turn back e clock. U can cry for all u wan, blame e world n pity urself. But.. e world will never stop to grieve for u.

Life is bloody hell full of mistakes, destinies and fate... if its sunny, embrace it. if its cloudy? remove it... there is no one to help u, unless u help urself up ur feet.

At least - dats wat i think. cheers mate, hav a nice wkend~

steffie

....head in a whirl...

I sat in front of my 4' fishtank, holding my hp, reading the final last words.. and then i juz stared at it blankly. e longest time i ever stared at a fish tank.

i told myself - i saw it coming.. i am prepared.. i will b alright.. i will b fine.. i hav pictured e scene for a million times aldy.

But...my head juz swirled.. my heart chilled.. ouch.. it bloody hurts.. and i never know it hurts so much.

A gd break for today~

Had a gd break for today... wonderful morning, and well-spent afternoon. i guess my gd mood oso cuz we had a rare opportunity to spend some hrs together on an off day.

I was doin some hsecleaning when i saw an old diary.. days back when i was 20-21 yrs old. E thoughts when kelly first went in army. lolz. i knew contentment in such tender age. lolz. Oh ya.. needs to be understanding and learn to be contented.

Sometimz we take things for granted, esp from the ppl closest to us.. from our partners. I wld say... minasan:

Dun feel angry when he/she doesnt say the love word. Be contented receiving short sms telling you tat you are missed.

Dun feel upset when you dont hav the whole day together. Be contented that you at least spent time havin dinner together and havin some light ice-cream for dessert. Isnt dat romantic?

Dun feel pissed when you are told to do this and that. Be contented even when u r forbidden to drink coffee b4 bedtime, cz he/she might nt even bother caffaine makes u sleepless.

Dun feel down when there is no flow of conversation when you are finally alone. Be contented cuz at least you finally hav him to yourself. just yourself.

Be contented. cuz u never noe when tis will last. So.. learn to be contented.

Steffie - Idealist, Thrill seeker, Adventurous, Physical... lolz..

Steffie - Idealist, Thrill seeker, Adventurous, Physical... lolz..

Temperament

Idealist

You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.

Interests

Thrill Seeker

You are interested in anything that is exciting and pleasurable. You're not afraid to indulge yourself - you live by your own set of rules and don't allow yourself to get hung on what others think. For the most part, you are independent and do whatever you please to do. Trying to stop you from doing something only makes you want it even more. At the end of the day - you live for life's most thrilling moments.

Amusement

Adventurous

It's a good thing that you are filled with energy and ambitions (that others sometimes find exhausting) because you're continually looking for a new adventure and exciting experience. You struggle with a continual feeling of restlessness which constantly pushes you to the next level of excitement. Once you have accomplished one thing, you are eager to accomplish something more exciting, riskier and distinguishable.

Passion

Physical

You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

cooling nite...

rainy nite.. i stood at e window, lookin at the redden sky - wishin a gd nite sleep tonite.

it has been a yr, prob 2-3wks slightly more than a yr. Since then, i havnt ever had a good sound sleep. its always toss n turn, toss n turn, count sheep, count stars, drink or watever....i juz hav problem sleeping. Sleep seems to hav abandoned mi... hw sad. Visible green veins stubbornly stayed ard my eyes, thick eye bags and dark circles slowly developed. It hurts to hear "no amt of mask can help" - insensitive fella. It prob hurts more cuz it comes fm someone close.

there is this puppy.. always dat gentle, hav a pair of slighly droppy eyes. By my std, it doesnt come close to being pretty doggie. But.. the affection juz grows. The more i look at it, the more i like it...juz cldnt tear my eyes away whenever our eyes met. When he's mischevious, he can irritate you the whole day. His punishment? i'd taut his ears. hee... But... it sucks - knowing though you love it, you juz cant own it.

alrighty.. time to hit e bed....